Fourty Things That Annoy Me , part 2

21/ Desperate Housewives ; a more appropriate title would be , Desperate House whores ; a show about cheating wives , and skanky bitches. Thank God it's in it's final season!

22/ Modern Family ; this is one of the funniest shows on television? Where's the humor? I sure as hell don't see it. One of the flaws of this show ,  is Sophia Viagra and her annoying , whiny voice. And that accent has to be phonier than a counterfeit bill.

23/ Grey's Anatomy ; Why has this show been on for eight seasons? One was enough. How many times have I seen and heard , Helen Pompeo say , 'Choose me! Love me! ' Too many times! Annoy~iiiing!

24/ The Bachelor ; another show that can easily induce narcolepsy.

25/ Old people who fart in grocery stores ; especially when they are in front of you at check out!

26/ Soap Operas ; can anyone sit down for an hour and actually watch one of these without falling asleep? I can't. Every time I've tried tuning into one , I can't pay attention for even a minute , before I feel like I want to blow my brains out , or jump out a window!

27/ Football and baseball players who spit on the playing field and in the dug out ; as if spitting weren't bad enough , they may as well use the playing field as a toilet!

28/ Those Allegra commercials that feature everyone with the exact annoying sneeze.

29/ Sunday morning religious programming ; if there is a God , would He watch this fare? Hell no!

30/ Katy Perry ; she may be cute , but she's just another Madonna/Aquilera/ Spears clone , and her music is just as forgetable and unoriginal.

31/ MySpace ; one of the worst social sites on the net. All anyone really cares about here , is promoting their own music.

32/ Facebook ; another crappy social networking site , even worse than myspace. All anyone cares about here , is playing games.

33/ Music award shows ; why they bother broadcasting these programs year after year , I will never understand. The same  bland , so called performers , win every year with their boring , mediocre music. The producers of these programs also like to introduce new pop crap "sensations!" and make instant stars out of them , even though you've never heard of them before!

34/ Butt wipes who cut you off in traffic.

35/ People who like to over charge you. Case in point : City Hall ; they have a habit of charging me twice for my previous balance on every bill.

36/ Christmas specials and movies ; every year the tube is full of silly , and just plain ridiculous , specials and movies. The networks always feature mediocre pop music , and show every xmas movie under the sun , a thousand times each - literally.  I like Christmas , but this is just too much.

37/ Justin Beiber ; If I was a twelve year old girl , I would not be attracted to this dude! And what's with that hair doooooo?

38/ The music of Lady Gaga ; her name should be Lady Goo Goo Gaga ,  because her music is for kiddies. She's another Madonna clone. Why other people don't see this , I don't understand.

39/ The Disney channel ; this is a cable channel that is supposed to feature wholesome , family entertainment. But if you've ever watched it , even for a few minutes , you will see that it is anything but entertaining. It features such boring and unexciting fare as , Good Luck Charlie , Jessie , Wizards Of Waverly Place , and Austin And Ally. Each of these shows are like clones of each other.  The acting is silly , and over blown ; the characters are all idiots , and every ridiculous line gets a laugh  , whether it's funny or not. And ten times out of ten , it's not funny. 
  Who writes this junk? Four year olds? If Disney believes this kind of programming accurately portrays teenagers in the twenty first century , then they're in big trouble.

40/ Rap music ; put a c in front of it , and what do you get? Crap. Need I say more?

Celebrity Farts ~ The Maurty McPovich Show

Maurty McPovich

    Is it just me , or does anyone else think that this is one of the most ridiculous shows on the boob tube? I know I can't be the only one.

   I like Maurty. Everybody likes Maurty. He seems like a nice enough guy , but with a show like this , he's just asking to be made fun of.

   For over ten years now , Maurty has been exciting audiences all over America with his unique brand of crappy television. The subject matter of this fine show , includes such topics as cheating spouses , transvestites , and embarrassing situations caught on hidden camera. Only those who are dense enough to watch this tasteless garbage week after week , could possibly find this exciting entertainment.

     Recently , Maurty celebrated the shows tenth anniversary with his good buddy and favorite animal trainer , Jack Hanna , who has appeared on the show numerous times over the years.

    In a recent interview , the shows executive producer , Amy Rosenblum , revealed some things about Maurty that not even his fans knew.

It's The Maurty McPovich Show!! Behind The

Scenes With Amy Rosenblum

    "Ive been the shows executive producer for the entire ten years , and I've loved every minute of it. I hope it lasts another ten years.

    "I know that some people don't like the show ; they think it's silly and ridiculous. Even I find it silly at times. Especially when Maury does one of his I Slept With My Husband's Brother , or Who's The Father Of My Baby? shows. But his audiences love the show , no matter how ridiculous it might get. The more outrageous it is , the fans love it , which is why I think it's so popular. Maury's not afraid to be outrageous. He knows that if he can make the show as crazy as possible , people will watch. And it's worked for ten years."

Everybody Loves Maurty

    "Not long after we started the show , in '98 , Maury liked to dress up as different characters during rehearsals. Every episode , halfway through the first season , Maury would dress up as some of his favorite celebrities , and rehearse the show.
   "The first character that Maury impersonated was Groucho Marx , one of his all time favorite celebrities. Some of his guests would be confused , until they realized that it was Maury. The second celebrity was Ozzy Osbourne. The original Sabbath was one of his favorite bands , and Maury always thought that Ozzy was an outrageous character.
    "So , one day , Maury comes out wearing a long , dark brown wig and a black shirt with a cross on it.
    "The audience went crazy. He threw his hands over his head , mimicking Ozzy giving the peace sign.
    " 'Are you ready to rock?!' he said in a surprisingly good British accent.
   "Everybody went absolutely bananas. Some of them jumped around like baboons , chanting his name.
    " 'Are you people ready to rock?!' he said again.
    " 'Yes!' the audience screamed back. Then the stage curtains opened to reveal three guys dressed like the other members of the band , complete with out dated clothes and funny looking wigs.
    "Without the accent , Maury said ,'This is my band Black Savage'. We're a Sabbath cover band. We've been practicing real hard for a couple of months , and during breaks on this show , we'll be playing some of their material.'
    "Everybody went insane. They yelled and screamed and jumped around like monkeys in a cage at the zoo. Some got so excited that they actually jumped all the way to the ceiling , banging their heads painfully , knocking themselves unconscious , then falling back into the audience , and injuring others. Others had broken through , and were either dangling unconscious , or moaning in pain.
    "Maury and his band had watched it all with bemused expressions , until people started getting hurt. At first it was really funny watching everybody screaming and jumping like wild animals , but now it had gotten out of control. Some fools were dangling unconscious from the ceiling , and some with their legs kicking , and screaming for help , while others were lying in the audience , moaning and groaning in pain.
     "Someone called the paramedics. The most seriously injured were taken to the hospital , and those with mild cuts and bruises , were treated on the spot.
     "No one died of their injuries , thank God. I knew that Maury had the wildest audiences , but I had no idea how insane they were.
    "No one was more relieved than Maury , when he found out that everyone was going to be alright. I think he was worried that someone might sue him. No one did , though."

Fun With Maurty And Jack

    "Last year , Maury celebrated the shows tenth anniversary with his close friend , Jack Hanna. Jack has been featured on the show about twice a year , which is always a lot of fun. And each time he comes , he brings more exotic animals and insects.

    "The animals he brought out for the anniversary special , were a macaw , and a pair of chimps. He brought the macaw out first. Jack whistled , and a multi~colored parrot flew out from back stage. There was a large perch next to Jack , which the bird was supposed to settle on , but apparently the bird had other ideas. Instead of landing on the perch , it past over the entire audience , spraying , and dropping doody on everyone. The audience howled with laughter , as the bird crop dusted them , while squawking it's own laughter. There wasn't one person that didn't have bird pee or doody on them. No one cared. Everyone was having a great time.

    "Maury and Jack were shocked and surprised by the birds behavior , but they were also amused.

    " 'I don't know what's the matter with him , Maury!' Jack said. 'He's never behaved this way before. He must be nervous. Come here , Louie! Behave yourself!'

    "But Louie didn't want to behave himself. He made one more swoop over the audience , dropped another payload , and squawked with laughter. Then he dive bombed Maury and Jack , squawked with laughter , and flew back stage.

    "Wiping bird doody from his face , Jack shouted , 'Bad Louie!'

    "The audience laughed again , wiping doody from their own faces and clothes.

     "Apparently , Louie wasn't the only one that was nervous. Maury was nervous too. Every year he looked forward to Jack's visits , and the animals he brought with him. But Maury was also more than a little apprehensive , because most of the animals were potentially dangerous , and their behavior was unpredictable.

    "So , when Jack's assistants brought out the two chimps , Buckaroo Bonzo , and Bozo The Clown , they must have sensed how nervous Maury was , because from that point , things quickly went from bad to worse.

     "Bonzo was wearing a Peter Weller wig , and dressed like the actor ~ who was Bonzo's favorite ~ in his role in the movie , Buckaroo Bonzai , and Bozo was dressed like his favorite clown , wearing a silly looking red wig , and a bicycle horn that he tooted incessantly.

    "The audience laughed when they saw the chimps. They looked ridiculous. The moment they set eyes on Maury , they broke free of their handlers and made a bee line straight for him. They pounced on him , threw him on the floor like a rag doll , ripped off their suits , and started rubbing doody all over him.

    "The audience bellowed with laughter. Maury was laughing , too , but was also scared to death. He covered his head with his arms and wouldn't look up the whole time the monkeys were doing their business.

     " 'Jack! Make 'em stop!' he shouted.

    "Jack and the two handlers attempted to grab hold of the chimps , but got pelted with doody themselves. Then Bonzo and Bozo turned to the audience and threw doody at them , too.

    "The chimps had great aim. They managed to hit every single person in the audience , either in the face or on their clothes.

    "When they were done with the audience , they ran around the set , throwing seats and ripping up furniture.

   "Maury was terrified. The moment the chimps turned on the audience , he ran back stage and would not come out until it was all over.

   "Jack and his assistants ran frantically after the chimps , attempting to get them to stop their rampage. It went on for almost fifteen minutes. The audience was going crazy the whole time , howling with laughter , as Bonzo and Bozo completely destroyed the set.

    "Finally , mercifully , it was over. It looked like a tornado had struck the inside of the studio. Jack and his assistants were able to calm the chimps enough to get them back stage.

    "Of course , none of it had been taped. Too bad , though. It would have made a great show. However , it would be a long time before Jack and his family were invited back to the show."